No "special" friends today. Just me and my husband.

Today, he tried. It was noticable. He didn't use the computer all day. He watched Baby while I slept. He held me close. He gave me hugs and cuddles. He was kind. He spoke nicely. He waited on me. He didn't criticize.

He gained a few points today, but not enough to recover him from weeks of negative scores.

Nevertheless, he will be gone for the next week because of military training. I will not be able to see him or talk to him. This certainly isn't going to help our marriage at all.

I want so badly to make it better, I want so badly to make it right. Why is it so impossible? Why do I feel broken all the time? Why?

I have always fought so defiantly against divorce, against the stereotype. I have fought like mad against those who said I would never make it.

And here I am, making all of their statements come true.

How sad, how pathetic I am!

Just a lonely heart, in a lonely world, searching for a little joy...